Timestamps

00:00:00: Introduction

00:02:44: Idea for action 1: principles rather than rules

00:04:13: Idea for action 2: a work-in-progress success statement

00:06:20: Useful resource

00:06:47: Final thoughts

Interview Transcription

Helen Tupper: Welcome back everybody.  This is day 15 of the Squiggly Careers Skill Sprint.  So, you've done a lot of sprinting, but there is still more to go.  And the skill we are going to focus on today is about work-life fit.

Sarah Ellis: And we say work-life fit rather than work-life balance, because I think this word balance just implies everything should be perfectly balanced, like that's the name of the game --

Helen Tupper: All the time!

Sarah Ellis: -- that's what we're trying to do, and I don't know anyone who says, "Oh, every day, everything is really in balance, my hobbies, my friends, my work", I don't know, "staying fit, eating the right things".  That's way too much pressure.  And I think "fit" has just always worked, better certainly for both of us, because I always feel like we're fitting things together, almost like a puzzle, in the way that works for us.  

So, I think just think about how you frame this in a way that's useful.  And I think two things to watch out for here with work-life fit. The first one is what scientists call enmeshment.  And this is where basically, you become your work.  So, your identity is so wrapped up in the work that you do, you sort of don't exist outside of your work, which sounds really dramatic, but I can think of specific moments in my Squiggly Career where that has definitely happened to me, where you just feel like you're getting up, you're working, you're going home, you're probably maybe doing a bit more work or maybe you're doing things in the evening that are work-related, and then you're sleeping and then you're perhaps so tired from all the work, you just don't do a lot else. 

Often, I think, the signals are where you're cutting other things out of your life.  Maybe you're saying no to seeing friends or maybe your hobbies go by the wayside.  So, enmeshment is never, never good for us.  Our work is usually worse, actually, when our work becomes our identity.

Then the second thing, which perhaps feels a bit less significant, is just this idea of blurred boundaries.  I think with people working in a more hybrid way in the main, the temptation for our work to spill over into the rest of our lives, I just think is more present.  There are such good pros of the fact that we can work from more places and spaces, but I think one of the challenges is that we then suddenly have to figure out, how do you shut down the tab of work so that you can then be present in other parts of your life.  And when we did have such a clear distinction, like you went to work, work was a place you went to, it was just easier because it was a physical location.  Whereas I feel like now, it's more of a mental location, where you have to sort of go, "Well, I'm now not in work mode, I'm now in hobby mode, or I'm with my friends, and I'm not going to read my emails", and those sorts of things.  So, I do think this is a more complex challenge than perhaps it's been before.

Helen Tupper: My tip on this and the way that I manage my work-life fit, is I follow and share my principles rather than rules.  So, I don't have rigid rules for what my work and life should look like, because I find it too hard to stick to and I think you beat yourself up when it doesn't happen.  So, I have found principles more useful and I share those principles with the people that I work with.  So, some of my principles, which are very personal, are to be at home for more bedtimes than I miss. 

So, we will often be at events or doing things in the evening, or I'll just be socialising because I like doing that.  But I really have this strong principle that basically, I need to be in for three nights if I'm going to be out for two, is kind of how I manage it.  Sometimes that doesn't work, I don't beat myself up, but that's the principle I try and work to. Another principle is, I can do early mornings or I can do late nights, but I try to avoid doing both in the same week because I just get tired and I know that sleep is just an important thing for me.  And then another principle is, you can fill my week but leave my weekends free.  So, for me, I don't work on the weekends, it's not something that is particularly good for me.  I don't mind my work being very full but I need I need that free space on weekends.  And I found holding those principles for myself, sharing them with other people, has just made it easier for me to keep the work-life fit that is right for me.  But rules wouldn't work because I can't keep to that every week.

Sarah Ellis: Yeah, it's interesting.  I think I do something similar, but that perhaps is slightly more zoomed out.  So, I find it really helpful to have a sort of work-in-progress success statement.  So, I think I approach this from, "What does success mean to me?"  That's the question that I have in mind.  And I just have three or four sentences that I can't remember exactly the ins and outs of how I've written those, but I can remember the important points.  So, definitely the first sentence is around always wanting to feel like I am learning and have the space to explore and develop and create new ideas. 

And actually work-life fit for me is like, well, if I'm not able to do that in my week, that doesn't feel like my work and life is fitting together well, even though that's kind of a work statement.  And then I have this phrase I always come back to, which is, "Moments that matter".  So, I want to be there for the moments that matter for my friends and my family. The reason I call this a work-in-progress success statement is that I do think sometimes, people are aiming for like a nirvana of work-life balance or work-life fit.  They think there will be a moment where this all just magically works, whereas I just don't think that's ever true. 

But I do think you can be like, "Oh, but I can always have a work-in-progress approach to this, I could always try to be that bit better and I can just challenge myself to also make sure that it stays relevant", because I do think these things are dynamic, like what worked for you last year might not work for you this year, and encourage people to just revisit what does that look like for you. I think what we've both described is having something to refer to that helps you to figure out, "How am I doing?"  Because you can, especially I think if work-life fit isn't working for you, you can just feel very overwhelmed and very daunted and very frantic.  And so, if you have something to go, "Well, this is why it isn't working.  This is what it would look like instead", at least that's a starting point.  Because I know in those moments where it's not working, it just feels horrible.  And also, I think that trapped, I think that's how people would describe it, "I feel really trapped".

Helen Tupper: So, don't feel trapped, take action.  And also just be kind, be kind to yourself.  And another resource or person that we would recommend that you look to for some insight in this area is Christine Armstrong.  She is well worth a follow on LinkedIn.  She does a vlog every Friday, it's pretty short.

Sarah Ellis: So good.

Helen Tupper: Pretty short, it's always quite funny, but it gives you lots of advice on work and productivity, and some of the topics we've covered in the Skills Sprint, like time management and things.  But she just does it in quite a light but very useful way.  So, give Christine Armstrong a bit of a follow.  So, that is the end of today's episode.  We'll be back for episode number 16 tomorrow.