In this episode of the Squiggly Careers Skills Sprint series, Helen and Sarah talk about negotiation and share tools to try out to take control of negotiation conversations.
There are 20 episodes in the Skills Sprint and each is designed to help you create a regular learning habit to support your squiggly career development. Each episode in the series is less than 7 minutes long and has ideas for action and go-to-gurus on a specific topic.
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Download the episode summary below
00:00:00: Introduction
00:01:27: Different kinds of negotiation
00:03:25: Idea for action 1: salami slicing
00:05:14: Idea for action 2: don't start with I, start with they
00:06:29: Go-to guru
00:06:35: Relevant podcast episode
00:06:42: Final thoughts
Helen Tupper: Hi, I'm Helen.
Sarah Ellis: And I'm Sarah.
Helen Tupper: And you're listening to the Squiggly Careers podcast. And this episode is part of our Squiggly Skills Sprint series, where we've recorded 20 episodes, each of them are less than seven minutes long, to help you build some career development momentum. In each episode, Sarah and I are going to talk about a Squiggly Skill, what it is and why it matters, we're going to share an idea for action from each of us, give you a go-to guru and a podcast episode so that you can listen and learn a bit more. And we really, really want you to turn this Squiggly Skills Sprint into your own learning streak. And for anyone who lets us know how they're getting on and who completes the 20-day streak, we can't prove that, so we trust you, but if you tag us that you've done the sprint, you've completed the streak, then what we will do is we'll get in touch with you and we will invite you to a free Five Skills to Succeed virtual workshop that Sarah and I are going to be running in September, so we can help you dive even deeper into the world of Squiggly Careers. All you've got to do is tag @amazingif in any of your social posts, and then we'll be in touch.
Sarah Ellis: In this skills sprint, we're talking about negotiation, one of those things that I think always feels a bit anxiety-inducing and a bit awkward and tense. I don't know that many people who look forward to negotiation, apart from maybe our go-to guru, Chris Voss, who I really remember interviewing for our podcast and who I think is an absolute master in this. So, unless you're Chris then it's probably a topic most of us need a bit of help in. I do think there are lots of different kinds of negotiation in our Squiggly Career. You've got those big moments of negotiation, which I think are often the ones that spring mind: pay, flexibility, hours, restructure, redundancy, those sorts of things where you think, "Right, I really need to negotiate for what I need here".
Perhaps they also feel a bit more binary, "Well, I'm either going to get what I want or I'm not going to get what I want", we'll perhaps talk about that; that might not be the right way to think of them but I think that's often our starting point. Then you also have the everyday negotiations, that maybe we don't even think of the word "negotiation" but I think it is useful to frame them in that way. So it might be things like, "Well, how do I negotiate to get on somebody's agenda, because I need them to take notice of the work that I'm doing?"
Maybe it's negotiating on priorities or what you're spending time on in your day-to-day role. I think most weeks, we're probably negotiating something. It might actually be quite an interesting exercise to think about, like in an average week, what have you negotiated for this week; what worked well about that negotiation; and what would you have done better or differently if you were doing it again? Because I think just sort of almost spotting those small negotiations, you might give yourself a bit more credit, you're perhaps better at it than you imagine; but also, you start to spot some of the skills that you use to help you be a good negotiator. How are your negotiation skills, Helen?
Helen Tupper: Well, do you know, I would have said average, I don't think I'm a brilliant negotiator. However, you know your point about thinking about your week, we negotiate on who does which workshops maybe, or who's going where, or even what we talk about on a podcast. We'll be negotiating our ideas quite a lot, "Well, I want to keep this". "Okay, well if you do…" And I think that also takes some of the emotion out of negotiating. When you start to see how much you do it, you realise not all of that feels difficult and it's more about just getting the things that you believe in or think are right done. So yeah, maybe with that view, a little bit better, but I don't think it's one of my super-skills, but it is a skill that I can see that I have to use quite a lot. On the ideas for action, I mean, I and Sarah, I think we've both formally been taught negotiation.
Sarah Ellis: We had Chris Voss; I really remember it!
Helen Tupper: I think we've both studied MBAs, and we both did business school, we both did commercial roles, and we both did sales. And I feel like in most of those things, negotiation just comes out of the box a little bit. But one of the things that I remember being taught, and has actually helped me in lots of different situations, is the idea of salami slicing as an approach for negotiation.
This is a bit weird because I don't eat meat, but it has been a tactic that's always stuck with me, which is that when you're trying to negotiate for something, so let's say it's about how you want to work, like the structure of your working week, how many days you want to be in the office, for example, and what hours you want to work, and all that kind of stuff, it can be useful to break that down into a series of smaller discussions where you might debate each one. So, instead of debating and discussing and negotiating for the big salami like, "This is everything that I want", do a little bit at a time. So I might start, if Sarah is my manager for example, I might say, "Oh, Sarah, one of the things I'd really like to talk to you about is how many days that I'm actually working in the office".
And then we might have that discussion and then maybe I win that one, sort of round one to Helen. And then I might say, "I'm really glad about that. The other thing that I think would really help me is if I had some better tech at home. So I wanted to talk to you a little bit about my tech". And just rather than tackling it all in one go, breaking it down can often help you get a few more wins along the way. So, take whatever the big thing that you're trying to negotiate for and then just think about, "How many things can I slice that into?" You don't have to negotiate for that all at once, that could be a series of discussions, but know that you're collecting your salami slices. So, I've always found that more useful as an approach than the one big ask, which might have been a bit daunting.
Sarah Ellis: My idea for action here is, don't start with "I", start with "they". So, often I think with negotiation you think, "Well, what do I want? What do I need? What am I trying to make happen?" And when I thought about my successful negotiations, I think I am okay with this. I find it hard, but I think I'm okay at getting to good outcomes. I think the thing that I do best is walking in the other people's shoes and then kind of going back to, "… and then what does that mean for me?" So, I sort of start with the person or the team or the organisation that I'm negotiating with and think, "What's on their mind at the moment; what does winning look like for them; how can I help them to say yes to me?" So, it's slightly counterintuitive because I think you often become very focused on yourself in these moments, but I think that makes you a better negotiator because you understand what matters to the other person, and then you can figure out, "Okay, well if that matters to them", and sometimes you might not like that, and that's happened to me, you might think, "Okay, that's not ideal for me", but that is the reality and by figuring that out, I've then done a much better job of having constructive conversations and getting to really good outcomes for me. So, swap shoes, it's a great empathy technique, but it will help you to negotiate better.
Helen Tupper: And as Sarah mentioned, our go-to guru is Chris Voss, definitely an episode worth listening to as well, Sarah's conversation. And episode 224 is all about How to Negotiate for What You Need, so we'll make sure that you've got the links to listen to that one and learn a bit more too.
Sarah Ellis: Thank you for listening to this Skills Sprint, we hope you found it useful. We'd love you to share and subscribe so you don't miss a sprint. And that's everything for this episode, so bye for now.
Helen Tupper: Bye everyone.
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