How to avoid a holiday hangover

Timestamps 00:00:00:

Introduction 00:02:07:

One-week vs two-week holidays

00:04:24: Why holidays are good for you

00:07:06: Instagram community insights

00:09:16: Coach-yourself questions…

00:09:34: … 1: post-holiday feelings

00:10:31: … 2: letting go of worries

00:12:17: … 3: increasing your holiday health

00:13:13: Pre-holiday ideas for action…

00:13:28: … 1: pre-plan the first day back

00:14:48: … 2: build your I'm-on-a-break boundary

00:18:50: … 3: decide on your digital distractions

00:19:41: … 4: own your out-of-office

00:22:23: … 5: find your heads-up helper

00:23:48: Post-holiday ideas for action…

00:24:02: … 1: quick wins on your first day back

00:29:17: … 2: three-by-three

00:30:57: … 3: reconnect relationships

00:34:12: Final thoughts

Interview Transcription

Helen Tupper: Hi, I'm Helen. Sarah Ellis: And I'm Sarah.

Helen Tupper: And this is the Squiggly Careers podcast, a weekly podcast where we help you with the ups and downs and the ins and outs of your world of work, and hopefully share with you some ideas for actions and tools and maybe a few techniques so that you can have a little bit more confidence and control of whatever might be going on for you right now. If you'd like a little bit of support beyond just what you listen to today, don't forget that you can download our Squiggly Careers PodSheets. All the links for those are in the show notes, but they are summaries of some of the coach-yourself questions, some of the ideas for action, so you can just listen and relax and learn, and then you can take action by downloading the PodSheet afterwards.

Sarah Ellis: So, as always, we use the podcast to help ourselves and hopefully to help everyone else as well. And today we're talking about how to avoid a holiday hangover. So you can probably tell that we're recording this in July and we've both got a holiday coming up, which is very front of mind for both of us. And what's interesting I think about holidays is, what neither of us are thinking about is the holiday or how excited we are about the fact that we're going on holiday; we're both really frantically thinking about what needs to get done beforehand, worried about what's going to happen when we're not around. That feels the exact opposite of the relationship you should have with your holidays, where you almost get to the point of thinking, "Is it even worth it?" You know, is it even worth going because of all, I think, the stress and the pressure that sometimes can happen in the build-up to your holiday and almost the fear of returning, the fear of the first day opening the inbox. Someone described that to me recently of how nervous they were, just re-clicking on their emails after they came back from a holiday. So we were like, let's press pause and talk about, first of all, a little bit about why holidays do matter so much, in all careers but in Squiggly Careers in particular, and then how we can set ourselves up for success and sort of almost come back reinvigorated, and then re-find our flow when we're back from holiday; whether that means you're off to your dream destination this summer, even if you're at home for just three or four days, which actually I think sometimes can be harder, because there's even more temptation around I think when you're doing a bit more of a staycation.

Helen Tupper: Before we get into the practical, just a little bit of personal reflection. The one-week --

Sarah Ellis: What? Are you going to tell us about your holiday?! Helen Tupper: Well, I can do, I'm quite excited about them. But I am pondering the one-week versus the two-week holiday.

Sarah Ellis: Oh, interesting, interesting.

Helen Tupper: And also, I'm thinking about my childhood. So when I was growing up, always a two-week holiday, and I don't remember my mum --

Sarah Ellis: Ah, I did one; always one.

Helen Tupper: Oh, did you? Oh, we always had two weeks. We always went quite far, and we always had two weeks, and I don't ever remember my mum thinking about work. But showing their age, no phones right there! So it wasn't like once you left work, you left work and then you couldn't really be contacted. So the two-week holiday was maybe easier. That makes you a bit stressed now. I think, "Gosh, two weeks away from work", I'd find that really daunting, maybe talk about that a little bit more. But then one week, by the time that you've set yourself up to go holiday, and then you've switched yourself off a little bit, and then you've got yourself geared up to come back, is it like two days of holiday in the middle? Is that like the true holiday time? How long is that actually there for?

Sarah Ellis: I do remember my dad, when we used to go on holiday, we went to parts of the UK that were usually quite remote. My mum and dad loved a remote beach that takes ages to get to. Helen Tupper: You quite like a remote holiday.

Sarah Ellis: I do, this is a problem! You're like, "Oh, my God, it's so ironic, isn't it?" I do actually now, I like -- I used to complain about it, but now I love it. But I do really remember my dad used to have to drive off sometimes in the evening to find a phone signal. So he did have a mobile phone, like really early, early mobile phones, and he'd have some project going on at work, and he'd go out for a bit and be like, "I've just got to the top of the mountain to try and get a phone signal". Helen Tupper: Via a pub!

Sarah Ellis: Yeah, I mean, now I think about and I'm like also -- Helen Tupper: You're sceptical now. Sarah Ellis: -- he does love a pub, as Helen knows my dad, and he super-sociable, and I'm a bit suspicious. I was like, "Is that what he was doing?" Helen Tupper: "I'm going to find a phone signal."

Sarah Ellis: Yeah!

Helen Tupper: I mean you might want to ask him about that after today.

Sarah Ellis: Even my mum with three kids, going probably a bit frantic after a day's walking to some remote beach … But yeah, the one week versus two weeks, I think now I've kind of gone the opposite way, I think the opposite to you. I'd almost rather have the two weeks, because I think you ease into it and I think probably particularly, I don't know, almost just as I'm really enjoying it, sometimes I do feel like I come back; whereas when I was --

Helen Tupper: The childcare factor I feel like makes --

Sarah Ellis: Yeah.

Helen Tupper: A two-week holiday on a tropical beach without children, and I'm there! Sarah Ellis: Yes, yeah, maybe. But I did loads of shorter beaks when I was younger, in my younger days. But let's talk about why they're good for you before we get into, should our breaks be longer or shorter. There is some really interesting research about when we take time off, it improves our capacity to learn. So we should feel really positive about taking a break and sort of pressing pause, because they've looked at PET scans and MRI scans, and that when we kind of relax our brain and we have a sort of -- almost our brain is focused on other things, that's when you make new connections, and it's why, you know, we've talked before about why you have your best ideas on a walk or in the shower or on a holiday. So even if you're not intentionally trying to figure something out, maybe even you're considering what you might do in your career, or maybe you've got a decision to make --

Helen Tupper: It's sort of like holi-daydream.

Sarah Ellis: Yeah.

Helen Tupper: It's that sort of mentality. Sarah Ellis: But you're not. We certainly aren't suggesting here you go away and think about work, but it's just almost unconsciously, I think, is the way that I've understood it, it's sort of floating around. And I was reading this Professor Galinsky from Columbia Business School and he talks about how we almost have more flexibility and adaptiveness and agility in our brains when we just go and do something different and immerse ourselves in different worlds or in different spaces. Or even if you were staying at home for three or four days, if you were like, "Right, well I'm going to walk a different way; I'm going to find a new restaurant;

I'm going to go and spend time in a different park; I'm going to read a different book that I wouldn't normally read", all of those things almost bring that newness into our days, and it's a break of routine. Because we are creatures of habit, often those things sometimes feel a bit uncomfortable, or there's a bit of uncertainty around travel.

Alain de Botton actually wrote a brilliant book called The Art of Travel that talks about almost the stress that does come with travelling and the uncertainty, but how it is good for us in terms of our curiosity and our creativity. So I think everyone should feel reassured that you will come back to work even better when you go on holiday, and that's why everybody should take all of their holiday days. It always makes me really sad when people say … you know, when you lose your holiday because you don't take it all. And I have been a bit guilty of that, I have to say, in the past at certain times and I think, "Why? What was I doing?" I think it's such a waste of almost the giving your brain that alternative break. So even if you're thinking, "I'm not sure what to do or where to go", just put all your laptop away and rediscover your local area, if that's what it takes to have a break. Helen Tupper: I think a lot of people as well have missed out on holiday experiences, whether that's in the UK or beyond the UK, because of the pandemic.

Sarah Ellis: Of course.

Helen Tupper: So it's like make the most of it now. And lots of the stats show that this year is going to be a really significant year for travel, if it doesn't get disrupted at airports.

Sarah Ellis: Yeah.

Helen Tupper: We'll leave that one there for now. But yeah, make the most of these experiences that more so people might have missed out on over the last couple of years as well. So we asked our Instagram community with what basically creates this feeling of a holiday hangover, almost the pre-holiday problems that people might feel, and it sort of takes away from the joy of the impending holiday. But also the back-from-a-break blues, you know, that night before you come back where you're just like, "Oh, no, it all feels awful". And so we asked people to get a bit specific and give us a bit more insight into this. And some of the most common insights that came from the community were the pre-holiday problems, where feeling like you've got too much to do, too little time, so it creates quite a -- Sarah Ellis: Hands up. Yeah, that one. Tick! Next? Helen Tupper: Yeah, that one. Are you going to do every one of these?

Sarah Ellis: Yeah, I am. I am, yeah.

Helen Tupper: The "I'm the only answer" angst, so what are people going to do? Sarah's shaking her head. I feel that one more like, "How is this going to get done if I don't do it?" that kind of feeling, which sometimes is a truism and also being a bit of martyr maybe. And then the last one is pressure from other people to complete something before you leave. So people piling it on, like they're, "Oh, before you go, could you…? Oh, and could you…? And could you put that on the list?" And you're like, "Well, I can't even do the other stuff that I knew I needed to do now, because I've got so much of your list". So the other aspect of it was the back-from-the-break blues and what's going on there. And people were saying that first day back can feel so hard, because email's really overwhelming. That was the number one thing that came back actually.

Sarah Ellis: Was it? Ah, interesting. Helen Tupper: The inbox of doom and feeling like that was just something that was just people were dreading, "Where do I start? How do I work my way through it?" all that kind of stuff. Sarah Ellis: Okay. Helen Tupper: A worry about what might have happened. So this like, "Oh, I don't know what I don't know". S

arah Ellis: Almost being left out the loop is that, or is that different? Helen Tupper: Well, I think that was separate. So some people feeling almost like a bit FOMO.

Sarah Ellis: Okay, yeah.

Helen Tupper: Like a fear of, "What have I missed out on that's gone on?" But the other one was almost more of "I've got a sense of like a dread".

Sarah Ellis: Okay.

Helen Tupper: Like, "I don't know what I don't know". So it's not, "I wish I'd been there to be part of it"; it's like, "I don't know what's gone on and I'm going to worry about that until somebody tells me otherwise".

Sarah Ellis: What am I going to uncover? Yeah, yeah, okay. Helen Tupper: Yeah, "What's the worst thing that could have happed whilst I've been away?" that stuff. But all of this, rather than this moment of like, "Oh, my amazing holiday that's going to be so fun with my family and friends", it's the pre-holiday problems and the back-from-work blues. It's almost like they create this not so great psychological sandwich either side of this break that people want to go on.

Sarah Ellis: So, we thought before we get into very practical pre-holiday prep -- I never thought we'd end up talking about holidays in this podcast, but hey, who knew? This is what happens after 290 episodes or whatever -- and then what to do after holidays, a few coach-yourself questions that we think will just help you zoom out, because we are going to zoom in and get quite practical pretty quickly. So first question to ask yourself, "How do I want to feel after my holiday?" I think just reminding ourselves of those, I think it gives you the connection with the why, like, "Why am I going on holiday?" And those feelings will be slightly different depending on where you are and how your year has been so far. So, Helen, we are simultaneously going on holiday, not with each other I'd just like to add, but in a very badly planned way the same week, which our team have very kindly not really commented on; but that is happening, which is mainly my fault, so we're going to skim past it. But how do you want to feel? So when you're thinking about your holiday in a couple of weeks, how do you want to feel when you come back? Helen Tupper: Energised and excited. Sarah Ellis: Oh, interesting. You see I would say calm, collected and refreshed.

Helen Tupper: Hilarious. You're like, "I'm meant to slowly ease my way back in", and I'm like, "Let me at it". I want to feel like, "Let me at it".

Sarah Ellis: Oh, I'm all about the easing. All about the easing. Yeah, okay. So that was the first question. What's the biggest worry I need to let go of? So what do you reckon your biggest worry is; what are you worrying about in terms of the holiday?

Helen Tupper: Being able to disconnect fully when I want to. Sarah Ellis: Okay. Helen Tupper: Do you know what …?

Sarah Ellis: Yeah, yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Helen Tupper: You know what I mean? I feel like in those moments when I don't want to think about work, and we'll talk a little bit about when those moments are when I'm on holiday, because you know there are some differences for different people; but when I don't want to think about work, I want that to be an active choice that I can make.

Sarah Ellis: Yeah, interesting. My worry is quite different. I think I'm worried, I'm more sort of pre-empting, not being very good; I'm sort of pre-empting thinking I'm worried that I won't get something done that I think is important to do before our holiday, our collective holiday, when we both go on holiday. And then as a result, we'll miss a moment or we won't get something important achieved, because almost like you just haven't got the time, because we're so busy and everyone's always really busy.

Helen Tupper: It's so funny, isn't it, hearing someone else's worries? Because I think it's really easy to dismiss someone else's worry. It feels quite big and significant to you, because I kind of go, "Oh, what's in a week?" But when hearing you I go, "Oh, what's in a week? We'll just pick it up the week after or something" But obviously they feel --

Sarah Ellis: Yeah. So are you basically saying you're dismissing my worry there; is that what you're saying?!

Helen Tupper: Well, no. I think that's why -- yeah, but that's my point, isn't it? It's really easy to do.

Sarah Ellis: Yeah.

Helen Tupper: But these worries feel very significant.

Sarah Ellis: Very real. Helen Tupper: Yeah, very real to you. But I do wonder if sharing your worries can help somebody else support you with it.

Sarah Ellis: Yeah, because you said about your distractions, and I was like, we'll talk about that one a bit more, but I get why that would be harder for you certainly than it would be for me. And then you've just said the one that I worried about, you're like, "Oh, that wouldn't be kind of top of my list". So perhaps you can help each other by just sharing those things.

Helen Tupper: Yeah.

Sarah Ellis: And perhaps talking to your manager. That would be a good thing to talk to your manager about if you have that kind of relationship. Third coach-yourself question, "What could I experiment with to increase my holiday health?" so if you were thinking about the quality of that holiday, the holiday experience, even if you were doing a scale, like zero to ten; and we're going to give you lots of ideas for what that experiment could be, and can pick and choose the ones that might work for you. I did this on my last holiday. I did think, "Okay, what's one or two things that I'm going to experiment with?" Let's say my previous holiday might have been a seven or an eight out of ten, in terms of what I was hoping my holiday was going to give me in terms of calming and collectedness; what would I do differently? And I did do one very specific thing very differently on my last holiday, and it was a really good thing to do. It was hard for a day and then it was really good. So we'll talk about it. But I think just have that in mind as we go through these ideas for actions. Almost like pick and mix. Choose the ones that you think -- there might be some you already do really well, but what's the one or two things you think, "Oh, I'm going to be brave and just try and do something a bit different for this holiday, so I can really make the most of it".

Helen Tupper: So we've got five ideas for action now to support you with your pre-holiday prep and we'll talk through each of them in turn. And then we've got a little checklist that summarises it all for you that you can maybe, I don't know, we'll make sure it's part of the PodSheet and you maybe tick it off before you go away. Anyway, the first practical pre-holiday prep action is to pre-plan the first day back. Do you know, Sarah, I was like, "This is really good, I'm going to do this, I'm going to check August." And then I looked at August and I was like, "Oh, no, it's already committed, I've left it too late." So also don't leave it too late, because I realised I've left my August, the first day back, a bit too late. But the point I think that Sarah and I have realised is that it's leaving that first day back as clear as possible helps you to feel like you're back in control, but you need to do that in advance.

I always think about what Graham Allcott told us when he came on to talk about Productivity Ninja tricks. And he was like, "Put fake meetings in the diary". If you need to put a fake meeting in a diary, I think he said, "Working on Project Magenta", or something like that, so that people don't override that time and you can keep it clear, it will help you so much. Because when you have to come back on day one into quite a lot of detail of the day to day, like you've got a 9.00am meeting that you think you have to prepare for, or whatever it is, all it does is bring the work further forward for you; like, you have to do it on the night before you really want to. So look at your first day back now, try and keep it as clear as possible, maybe put in some blocked-out time or fake meetings if you need to, if that's how best to manage your diary; and maybe let other people know what you're doing, so they don't override it whilst you're away. Sarah Ellis: So number two, build your I'm-on-a-break boundary. So what Helen and I were talking about before this podcast actually is, we want this to feel personal to you and what works for you. So we were chatting a bit about the difference between turning it off versus dialling it down. So I think my assumption is, "Well surely everyone should just turn off?" And I think talking to Helen, it was really interesting that for her that feels stressful and kind of stress-inducing. So for her it's more about dialling it down. So I think you need to know where you are in terms of those boundaries.

So the turning it off is more my approach of going, well I think pretty much kind of getting rid of everything and anything workwise is a really good thing for me; because as soon as something starts to creep in, maybe because I'm a thinker, we've talked before about thinker and doer on the podcast; as soon as a little seed gets planted, I find it very, very hard to not then start to make connections or start to think about things, and I can spiral quite quickly.

And then suddenly I'm distracted or I'm not concentrating, or I'm not spending time with the people that I'm holiday with. And I think versus Helen who is describing a bit more of like if you went from hero to zero overnight on your holiday, how hard you'd find that. Helen Tupper: Yeah, and I think for me, I would rather say to people -- and, it's also knowing what I'm coming back to. So, you know, the whole -- I also feel what a lot of people said about their email overwhelm. I hate feeling like I'm going to have to spend hours going through my inbox. So I would rather do half an hour a day max where I will scan through what's come in. Don't necessarily need to respond to it, but I'll probably file it away. That's more what I'm doing. I'm like, file it away for day one, delete, move, just trying to stay on top of it a little bit so it's not so daunting when I come back to. But what I do do is I let the team know that from, say, 8.00am until 8.30am every morning, "I'll be online, I'm just sorting through my emails and seeing what's urgent, and then I'll delegate wherever I can; but if you do need me, that's when I'll be available". And then beyond that I feel like, "Okay, well, nothing's going to go too far wrong. If anything's urgent, they know when I'm going to be online", and that gives me just a bit back of control so that it's not so daunting when I come back. But what I wouldn't want to do is expect or impose that on other people. This is all about what helps you to relax when you're away.

And for me, the unknown issues, escalations and overflowing inboxes would cause me more stress than just being able to have a quick scan through, even if it takes me five minutes, and go, "Okay, nothing important today, I'll check it again tomorrow", and that's better for me. But other people, I think they just don't want any connection to their work when they're on holiday, which is also fine.

Sarah Ellis: Yeah. My experiment on my last holiday was, it is the first time since we've both been in Amazing If full time that I took my emails off my phone. So I didn't take my laptop, which also felt like quite a big deal actually, not even taking my laptop, so I was like the option wasn't even there to open the laptop.

That is a bit of an access point, isn't it, to doing some work? So it was like, don't take the laptop, taking my emails off my phone completely, as in I just deleted the app, the Outlook app that I usually use. That felt very, very hard on day one. That felt like I had completely turned off on a holiday for the first time in two years. And it did mean that day one, I had to ask Helen if everything was okay. As in, I had to WhatsApp her and I think just that first day, I was like, "This is weird", and I was like, "Is everything okay? Do you need me for anything?" after the first day, Helen was like, "Yeah, it's all fine" and it was so interesting that very, very quickly, by day two, I wasn't even thinking about it. But it's also, when you are experimenting with maybe a new behaviour, don't expect it to feel easy automatically, because I think I'm quite good at turning off but equally I still found day one really hard. But I did find it fascinating how quite quickly you're just like, "Oh, yeah, it's all fine".

Helen Tupper: So I think, yeah, I do probably adjust and adapt. But I think it's knowing what works for you and letting other people know, but not expecting the same of them.

Helen Tupper: So the third idea for action here on your pre-holiday prep is to decide on your digital distractions, so what notifications are going to bring your brain back to work? And these are lots of the things that Sarah talked about. Do you need to turn off Outlook, or just the notifications, or delete the app? Is it Microsoft Teams? Is it LinkedIn? Turn it off or delete it for a week, especially if you know that when you see that thing, it's going to be a signal for your brain to mentally get involved. Again, it looks different for everybody. I would start to think now, as part of your pre-holiday prep, what are the notifications, alerts and apps that you spend the most time in? I have the iPhone and it gives you that screentime thing. So maybe have a look at which one of those screentime things are the most work-related, because if you could just turn one of those off, think about all that time that you might get back during your holiday.

Sarah Ellis: You could set yourself a goal for screentime, if you weren't that way inclined. So number four is about owning your out-of-office. And I think just be careful in terms of with your out-of-office, about making you a bottleneck for when you come back, but also no one likes being bounced around. I found that incredibly frustrating; it might just be me. But you know that thing of you get an out-of-office and then you email that person like, "Oh, well I'm out of office as well". And you're like, "Okay, well …" That's not a great experience for the person you're working with or your client or your supplier. I think people are good at this. I see some people who have taken it from good to great. And the good to great ones that I really like are the ones where, say there are common queries that you get in your job. Perhaps it is requests for certain assets or maybe it's certain questions that just come your way, almost the frequently asked questions that come into your inbox. Who are the people who are going to be able to most quickly and efficiently help with those things? and that's not always the same person. So I think at the moment actually, we don't do this in Amazing If, but I think we could.

So we sort of go, "Oh, who's the person?" like who's the alternate, essentially. So imagine Helen I had been smarter and weren't going away at the same time, obviously we alternate for each other. Or, sometimes Sarah in our team might be the good alternate, because Sarah is the fountain of all wisdom, so she'll point you in the right direction. Whereas actually, you could help someone do a bit of a better job of self-serving and solving. So, "Okay, well if you've got marketing person, go to this person; if you've got a client question, go to this person." You can even then sort of -- I see people have a bit of fun with it. So we could even say in our out-of-office, which we don't, "If you're looking for some free career development, go to our toolkit on amazingif.com with loads of free stuff".

Helen Tupper: Yeah.

Sarah Ellis: Why don't we? We should do that. Why don't we do that? Helen Tupper: Or like, "If you want to apply on the podcast…" We get lots of people, and we'll go back to them all individually, but lots of people have like a form. We do it because I think we like it to be personal, don't we? But I was thinking, it's the equivalent of FAQs, like an SAQ. Like "Sarah Asked Questions".

Sarah Ellis: Yeah.

Helen Tupper: Like, what are the questions that Sarah gets asked most frequently and how could you help someone to self-solve with some of those things, at least during the week that you're away? The other thing I think, if you're going to own your out-of-office, is maybe don't leave to chance with who's going to get in touch with you. Could you think about, who are the ten people who email me most frequently --

Sarah Ellis: That's a good idea.

Helen Tupper: -- and have I got in touch with them beforehand to let them know? Rather than them just being like, "Oh, I didn't know you were going away". I mean, you sort of hope that you would, but maybe if you don't think like that then you could miss one of those people out. Maybe just to make it as practical as possible, it's like, what are your high-priority projects and who are your high-frequency contacts? And then if you just create a list of like three or four of those on each side, then that'll probably give you the people who you might want to send a proactive email to. So the last, number five, on the pre-holiday prep is, who can be your heads-up helper? I find this takes a lot of the worry away from me when I'm going on holiday of thinking,

"Oh, gosh, what am I coming back to?" So this person can leave you a voice note, it doesn't have to be an email if you don't want to get in your inbox, but think about a way they can communicate with you that's relatively quick for both of you, them to share, you to listen to, or to read, and they can basically give you a bit of a summary of what's gone on while you've been away, so you can just get a quick scan or a quick -- you can just listen to it and be like, "Oh, okay, nothing basically. It's all fine, stop worrying." Or, "Heads up, there's a new person that's joined the team and X, Y and Z". But it sets your mind at ease, because you know that they're on the case for you, and then they can either help you to be prepared for whatever might be happening the week that you come back, or they can help you to take that worry away. And I think it's just think about, "Who could be my heads-up helper?" We do this a lot for each other and I find it really, really useful, because that helps me just to turn off a bit of my brain, because I've sort of outsourced it to someone else. So a five-point checklist to prepare for your holiday: number one is as much as possible moved in your diary for day one when you're back.

Number two, have you communicated if, when and how you'll be checking in? Number three, have you turned off notifications that you don't need? Number four, have you set up your out-of-office for success? And number five, have you got your heads-up helper in place? So now we're going to move on to your post-holiday. Hope you had a nice time, now we're going to talk about how you can re find your flow1 People are pressing pause now and they're like, "I'm going to listen to the other bit on the day when I get back". Okay, so we've got three ideas for action now to help you to re-find your flow when you're coming back. So the first one is all about quick wins on your first day back. So we want that first day to feel really, really positive and that you are happy, happy to be back.

Sarah Ellis: You know sometimes you feel good for about an hour?

Helen Tupper: Yeah!

Sarah Ellis: I've had that before where first hour I'm like, "This is the start of the new me", because you've come up with all these things on holiday, you've got yourself a nice coffee, you're like, "Right, here I go. This is going to be the whole new way of working and I'm going to do …" you know all those things where you're like, "I'm going to do all this stuff"? And, I wonder how long it lasts for? Maybe think about that the last time you went away, and how long did the feelings that we talked about in the coach-yourself questions, how long did they last for? Because I have definitely had experiences where it was literally an hour and then you're like, "Okay, back in it again then".

Helen Tupper: It's like a scale of the dream day versus the disaster day.

Where do you sit on the scale? You can decide that for yourselves, everybody, but here are some things to help. So the first thing, let's tackle that inbox for a moment. Halve your emails, maybe even more than that, with one quick and easy action. File anything that you are cc'd on. I mean, I could go as far as to say move everything to a different folder and see who chases you, but I know that that's not comfortable for a lot of people. So go with the halve-it approach, which is basically anything that you're cc'd on, just move it to a different folder, just clear it out so the only thing that you have to navigate your way through is something that you've specifically been put on "to" to. It will immediately reduce the overwhelm; most people won't get in touch with you; and if they do, you can say, "Oh, I'm so sorry I missed that".

You don't really need to apologise beyond that, to be honest. You can just say, "I was on holiday, I'm so sorry I've missed it", and then you'll catch up. But don't feel like your whole day has to be dominated by your inbox. That would be my first quick win. Sarah Ellis: And having never done that, how do you do it?

Helen Tupper: You literally --

Sarah Ellis: Do you have to go through each of them and then move it, or is there a smart hack that I should know about?

Helen Tupper: Well, I have set a rule before.

Sarah Ellis: Of course you have.

Helen Tupper: Yes. I set up a rule, because we use Outlook and you can set up rules and you could do this.

Sarah Ellis: Oh, yeah. Helen Tupper: This could be actually part of your pre-holiday stuff --

Sarah Ellis: Yeah, I have seen that before. Yeah. Helen Tupper: -- where anything that you are cc'd on, you could create a folder "Holiday cc" --

Sarah Ellis: And then it just automatically puts it in, doesn't it?

Helen Tupper: -- nd then it automatically files in it, so you don't even have to see it. And honestly, I don't even go into that folder sometimes. I'm just like, "Well, if people need me to look at it …" Sarah Ellis: Well, there you go, listeners. If you're going to email Helen, don't cc her, because crikey, you get moved!

Helen Tupper: Why do you think I don't reply to any of your emails? I'm joking! Sarah Ellis: You don't sometimes! Helen Tupper: Oh, well, you got me!

Sarah Ellis: Some of the other things that we think are good for your first day is, often your first day I think sets the tone of how are you going to keep going. Like we said, we don't want to lose that momentum quickly. And I think it is really good to have something you can get done on your first day back that's just going to make you feel good. It's sort of like a feel-good action which feels motivating, it's something to you will look forward to. Maybe that's a good way of framing the sort of activity we're looking for here. So for us, we were saying we would always look forward to recording a podcast, because I always feel better after a podcast than I did before one. So you sort of go, "Oh, well to have a feel-good day, if it has a podcast in it …" it helps with that.

So what is your equivalent of something you can do that you just know; it's something that matters to you? It could be a small thing, it could be a big thing, but you carve out time to make that happen. Helen Tupper: And our third quick win is to make time for lunch with someone or a curious coffee conversation. It could be a walk-and-talk, it could be an in-person chat, but the point here is that belonging at work, feeling that sense of connection, is a big part of what makes us happy. And if you can bring that back pretty quickly, that will hopefully be a big benefit in your day. And, it's nice to kind of get away from the detail straightaway and sort of into some discussions with other people about what's going on with them.

Sarah Ellis: I also wonder, and this is a hypothesis, but I wonder whether when people are working in a more hybrid way, and I know it's not possible for everyone; but if you are, lots of people, I'm imagining, are going to choose to have their first day back from holiday at home.

Helen Tupper: Yeah.

Sarah Ellis: If you can, if you're in control of it, I certainly always would, because you sort of go, a day to sort of reset and, like you say, ease your way back in. But the disadvantage of that is that perhaps you don't see people or have those more kind of informal conversations. So perhaps this becomes particularly important if your day is at home, because that works for you, like I would always do that. Who is the person you're just going to have the coffee Zoom with; or just you take your lunchbreak? I had a walk-and-talk with someone today that was a really good moment of my day and like a curious-career conversation.

So, just thinking about that reconnection with those people that you work with; it might be your work best friend, we've talked before in a podcast about how important your work best friends are; it could just be someone who you've been meaning to catch up with for ages, you know, just one of those nice conversations that you're just like, it reminds you that you do get a lot of relationships and connection from the people that you work with.

Helen Tupper: And I would look forward to that as well.

Sarah Ellis: Yeah, I would.

Helen Tupper: I'd be like, "Oh, that'd be nice today to catch up with that person". Sarah Ellis: And, yeah, you'd need someone to tell about your holiday, right? Imagine coming back from holiday and having no one -- if you were like sitting by yourself!

Helen Tupper: "No one cares!"

Sarah Ellis: You feel like, "But I need to tell you about the five crabs that I caught on a beach in Dorset". Everyone cares about that, right?

Helen Tupper: Or the restaurant that I went to, where I can just tell you about all the yummy things I ate. That'd be my conversation!

Sarah Ellis: Tells you a lot about our holidays, I think! So the second thing about re-finding your flow is this idea of three-by-three. And this is, what are your top three goals for the next three months? So it's just a slight moment to zoom out a little bit from what are you doing today, your first day back from holiday.

Just look ahead but not too far. I think three months feels quite motivating for most of us. Or perhaps you might just go before the end of the year, depending on when you're listening to this and when it feels useful. But a shortish timeframe where you're sort of thinking, a bit of visualisation, "What are those things that I want to be true in three months' time? What do I want to feel proud of?" I actually asked someone today on our walk and talk, "What do you want your pride postcard to say in December this year?" and we had that conversation in July. We're both about to go on holiday, so you sort of go, "You know there'll be a September reset moment", and it was just helpful I think for her to start to think about, "Oh, yeah, what are my goals post-holiday?" and I can imagine if she comes back to that, it just gives you that sense of focus. It's almost not only re-finding your flow, I think this really helps you to re-find focus and do that prioritising so that you don't get too overwhelmed. I think day one, the really big risk of day one is overwhelm, and then you lose focus, and you lose sense of -- everything feels important and then you just get busy being busy, and it's just pressing pause for long enough to stop that happening.

Helen Tupper: And I feel like one of the benefits that holidays gives you as well is it just puts back into perspective what's important? You don't want to lose that too quickly, and I think it's very easy to lose it when there's so much to get done and there's so many people to do things for, and all that kind of stuff. So I think just the three-by-three helps you to put your priorities in focus, put your priorities first. The third one is to reconnect relationships. Who are the people you need to prioritise? So if we talked about sort of the projects and deliverables, now let's think about people. There are a couple of people to consider here. You don't need to do all this on day one, but it is thinking of having this in mind and thinking about what conversations might you need to create.

So the first relationship you might want to reconnect with is a supporter, so who gives you support? Schedule time to talk to them about those goals, those three top goals, and also any gremlins you've got. Your supporters are amazing for like, "This is something I really want to go after. This is a gremlin that I fear might get in my way", and those people can often help you to overcome some of those gremlins. But it is quite a high-trust conversation, so thinking about who is that trusted source of support, really important.

Second relationship you might want to reconnect with is a sponsor, so this is someone that can open a door for your development. And the best way to find sponsors are spot any problems or priorities that they might be working on at the moment, and then reach out with how you can help them. And you can help them by volunteering maybe your experience, because you've done something in that area before; your expertise, so maybe you've got subject-matter expertise in a certain area that could be helpful to them; it could be just your energy, you're like, "This is an area I'm really passionate about. I'd love to get involved and help"; or maybe some ideas like, "I've seen that you're working on this. It's an area that I've thought a little bit about, I've got some ideas, I'd love to help". Any of those areas are ways that you could find a way to proactively connect with a sponsor. The way that sponsorship works is it's sort of a reciprocal relationship, but it often starts with how you can help someone, not how they can help you. And we have done an episode on sponsorship with Sylvia Ann Hewlett that might be interesting, if that does feel like a new topic for you and your career development.

The last one is a relationship where you're helping someone else to succeed; who could you help? The best way often of helping is when it can be a bit of a win/win. So when you've got a strength that you want to stand out, and they've got something that they might be working on, when you are proactive and generous in thinking about how you can use your strength to help them succeed, it's great for them, because it can help them go further and faster, but it's good for you because it means that you're using your strength in a different situation, and that also helps it to stand out more as well. So supporter, sponsor, and someone you can help succeed. Good relationships to reconnect with. Sarah Ellis: And actually, a lovely quote from DO Lectures. DO Lectures is a few days of lots of curious conversations, lots of hearing from really inspirational people. It's all held in Wales in the UK in a very remote part of Wales.

Back to remote holidays again; I'm obviously attracted to these places that are very hard to get to. But it's in a converted farm and on the side of one of the farm buildings, they had a brilliant quote and it said, "Givers get lucky". I think that's kind of that final point, like if you have that giving mindset that we've talked about before, they will help you find your flow, your focus, find new opportunities; so almost kind of coming back from holiday and just thinking, "Well, what would it take to give a little bit more? Who could I help? How could I give?" in a way that feels motivating for you. But I guarantee you that career karma is a thing. We're yet to scientifically prove it, but I really do feel like it is a thing.

Helen Tupper: I love that question, "What would it take to give a bit more?" It's nice, a nice way to end. Sarah Ellis: And just before we end today's episode, we were interrupted by my five-year-old little boy, Max, about three-quarters of the way through the podcast. Hopefully you won't spot the difference, because we have an incredible editor that makes us sound brilliant. But a little exert from Max here telling us a bit about his holidays.

Helen Tupper: Hey, Max, can you hear me?

Sarah Ellis: Say hello.

Max: Yeah.

Helen Tupper: What's your favourite thing to do on holiday, Max?

Max: Going in the swimming pool.

Helen Tupper: Oh, do you love going in the swimming pool?

Max: Yeah.

Helen Tupper: Do you jump in off the side?

Max: Yeah, and when I jump off the side, I splash in and all of the water falls out.

Helen Tupper: Oh, all the water in the pool?

Max: Yeah.

Helen Tupper: Oh, my goodness, that sounds amazing.

Max: Then they have to put it all back up again.

Helen Tupper: Yeah. Do you do that big a splash that they have to refill it with all the water?

Max: Yeah. Helen Tupper: Oh my goodness. You have to do some little splashes.

Max: I can't.

Helen Tupper: You can only do big ones?

Sarah Ellis: Can I go back on now?

Max: Go as fast as a cheetah.

Sarah Ellis: I'll go as fast as a cheetah, yeah.

Helen Tupper: So thank you so much for listening today. W

e hope you have a happy holiday! Sarah Ellis: Yeah, happy holidays everybody!

Helen Tupper: Happy holidays! Also, this is a really, really cheeky ask, but I personally absolutely love it when people take pictures of Squiggly and You Coach You on holiday. So if you do have our book, I mean don't buy it especially everybody, but if you do have it or maybe it's on your reading list for when you're away, please, whether you are on a boat, an aeroplane, or a beach or something else, wherever you are, please take a picture of our book with you, because we love to see the book on holiday. And, yeah, hopefully it might be able to help you on holiday. So hopefully a different place to put your mind, and not in your day-to-day work, more in your career development. B

ut yeah, we'd love to see it and you can just send those to us. We're helen&sarah@squigglycareers.com, or just post it to us on Instagram. Yeah, it makes us really happy to see those moments.

Sarah Ellis: So thank you so much for listening and we'll be back with you again next week. Bye for now.

Helen Tupper: Bye, everyone.