Timestamps

00:00:00: Introduction
00:00:56: Three areas of help...
00:01:02: ... 1: minimisers
00:02:35: ... 2: energisers
00:03:57: ... 3: protectors
00:05:43: Final thoughts

Interview Transcription

Helen Tupper: Are you in a toxic situation with a team, a person or in a company culture right now?  If you are, then you are not alone.  Research shows that one in ten people are actually experiencing a toxic situation at work right now. 

Sarah Ellis: And we've both been there, and I think it often happens more than once in your Squiggly Career.  It's one of those really knotty moments where it will leave you feeling drained and exhausted and just so depleted.  It is such a tough time, and so today we're going to talk about how can you cope and stay confident if that's where you are right now.  We know that for most people, it's not an option to just leave.  Like, for most of us, when this happens, if we could walk away straightaway, that's probably what we would do.  But typically, there is a bit of a transition time between where you are today and making that happen.  So, we hope we'll be able to help with what you might do in the here and now. 

So, we're going to talk about three areas, minimisers, energisers and protectors.  So, let's start with minimisers.  Minimisers are, we're trying to take away some of the impact of what is a very hard situation.  Number one, look for some light relief.  And we don't want to be flippant about this, but just something that is going to make you smile.  Listen to some comedy podcasts, that friend where when you have a coffee with them, you always come away and feel a bit more uplifted and you feel just a bit better because of it.  So, can you take your lunch breaks more diligently?  Anything like that that's just going to give you that moment of feeling a bit better in your day.  What can you opt out of?  Do you need to be involved in every meeting, every project?  This might feel a bit counterintuitive, and obviously we don't want to disconnect completely from work, but it's also a moment sometimes to let some things go, because actually by doing that, you feel a bit better and it perhaps minimises the impact a toxic individual or a team might be having on you. 

Finally, what's in it for you?  This is almost about being a bit selfish and just reminding yourself, "What are the skills, talent, experiences that I'm gaining?"  Other people might not be able to see the kind of toxic-ness that is kind of part of your day-to-day, but when you talk about this moment, what will be true?  Have you at least worked on a project that you'll feel proud of the impact, or actually, are you stretching a strength in a certain way?  It might be really not very fun how that's happening or how that's feeling, but perhaps it's just reassuring to remind yourself there's going to be something good for you when you move on to whatever's next. 

Helen Tupper: So, once we've minimised our exposure to the situation, we need to get a bit of energy so we can do things different.  And there are three things that can help you to stay energised when you're in a toxic situation.  The first one is all about the people you spend time with, so connect with the community that is outside of that situation.  That could still be inside the organisation, so it might be an internal network or something, or a group of peers who are not part of the project or the team that you're in, that you like spending time with.  Second thing you can do is hobbies, hobbies outside of work.  So, this is the thing that you're passionate about, the thing that you enjoy doing.  It acts a bit like active rest.  It's very energising for you and your brain and gives you a little bit of distance from that situation. 

The third is to stretch one of your strengths.  So, strengths give us energy, but they're also things that you feel competent and confident in.  And in these situations, they can erode our confidence because we can start to question, "Is this because I'm not very good at this?  Is this because I'm doing something wrong?"  But spending time with your strengths rebuilds that confidence, and that is exactly what we need in this situation.  So, think who needs what you know, or who can help with what you're good at, who can you help?  Those are the sorts of questions that you can ask so you can stretch your strengths.

Sarah Ellis: I was reflecting that I think in one of the toxic situations I was in, I think it's the fittest I've ever been, because I did a lot of running!  And finally, protectors.  So, if something is starting to feel very toxic, you might want to start writing things down, which I know almost feels it's just so not fun to have to do, because you're having to relive the experience, but our memories are not very good.  And often, if we wait and think, "Well, I'll remember all of this and then I'll write it down in two weeks or in a month", that's actually making it harder for yourself.  So, if you do have those conversations that you want to remember what was said or what's happened, you might just want to start keeping a record. 

Secondly, make a choice about what you want to do in terms of calling out this situation.  So, sometimes that can feel too hard, and we don't need to do it.  But if you make a choice about not doing it, that feels better than if you just sort of let it happen to you.  And think about your future self.  Both Helen and I were reflecting on, we have both called out some toxic behaviours in the past, and do you know what?  It made no difference, nothing changed.  I remember doing it a few times, and the same thing kept on happening.  But I still look back and feel proud that I did it, and that I had the conversations in a way that had integrity and authenticity.  I also look back at moments where I didn't do anything, and that feels fine too.  But I don't think I made a choice about it one of those times.  And I think if you're intentional, I think it makes a difference. 

Finally, get a mentor outside of the toxic situation, somebody who can remind you what you're good at, who can open up and spot opportunities and possibilities for you.  That made a real difference for me a couple of times, because those people gave me some of the nice nudges I needed to not just stick with it for too long, you know, to feel like, "Oh, if I hang on for long enough, things will change".  There is probably a point where things are not going to change and you want to do something different for your own development. 

Helen Tupper: So, we know this feels like a difficult situation and hopefully those ideas can give you something that you feel in control of, that you can take action with, and that can be a bit of a help for you.  That is everything from this Squiggly Career Short.  If you've got any feedback for us, you can always get in touch.  We're helenandsarah@squigglycareers.com. 

Sarah Ellis: See you again soon.