Timestamps

00:00:00: Introduction
00:02:37: The two processes of FOMO
00:04:00: Three main FOMO triggers
00:04:55: FOMO career checklist questions
00:09:09: Survey results …
00:09:20: … 1: missing out while working it out
00:09:38: … 2: lacking confidence to pivot
00:09:56: … 3: peers progressing faster
00:10:10: … 4: becoming a parent
00:11:38: Things that make FOMO particularly hard
00:15:17: Ideas for action …
00:15:20: … 1: three reasons why
00:19:15: … 2: protect yourself from FOMO
00:27:42: … 3: consider your from-to statement
00:33:08: Final thoughts

Interview Transcription

Sarah Ellis: Hi, I'm Sarah. 

Helen Tupper: And I'm Helen. 

Sarah Ellis: And this is the Squiggly Careers podcast.  Every week, we talk about a topic to do with work, and try to share some ideas and actions that we just really hope will help you to navigate your Squiggly Career with that bit more confidence and control. 

Helen Tupper: And this week, we are talking about how to let go of career FOMO.  And the idea for this came from, there was a party that I wasn't invited to.  I haven't told Sarah this, this is what triggered the idea. 

Sarah Ellis: What?!

Helen Tupper: I know, there was a party I wasn't invited to and I texted the person, I was like, "Oh my gosh, I've got FOMO".  And I was just actually just joking-ish.  And then, I just got thinking about FOMO and I was like, "I wonder whether people have career FOMO".  And it was like a light thought.  It was just a light little, "I wonder if this is something that people really relate to from a career perspective".  And so, I put it on our Instagram channel, which is at @amazingif should you wish to join, and I put it on our stories.  And I said, "Yes or no, do you have career FOMO?"  And very, very quickly, I can always tell a topic that resonates with people by the speed of how people respond.  And very, very quickly, we had hundreds of people that said yes.  So, 97% of people were like, "Yes, this is something that resonates with me, I get career FOMO".  And then I asked a secondary question, because I was like, "Well, I wonder if this is different for people", which is, "What does career FOMO look for you?"  And again, we got hundreds of comments, way more than we normally get, and way quicker than we normally get them. 

What was really clear was that this is not only an issue that people relate to, but that actually there are some quite different things about what FOMO looks like.  So, we wanted to break it down in a minute what creates career FOMO, so we'll talk a little bit about that, and how to work out have you got it, so I've got a few questions for you.  But then we also wanted to share the themes that people shared with us on Instagram about what different FOMO looks like, and then give you some ideas for action that can help, but just also recognising that because FOMO feels quite personal, the ideas for action, they're not all going to work for everyone.  So, we've tried to give you a bit of flexibility with the ideas for action to fit your FOMO. 

Sarah Ellis: I've read some clinical research papers about FOMO, as you do, because reading all the comments from everybody actually made me both sad, but also want to take this very seriously, because this is not -- though it was like, as Helen said, it was a quick idea that we were testing out, it also definitely is something that really does impact people, and I think people don't want to have this.  So, I was just trying to understand a bit more about what this is and where it came from.  So, interestingly, FOMO actually includes two processes.  The first one is the perception of missing out, which is what we would expect; but the second is then a sort of compulsive behaviour to kind of continue to do that thing, to maybe maintain those social connections or to continue checking social media, almost even though you know that it's probably hindering you a lot more than it helps you. 

It comes from our need to belong, that we all want to feel included, that you want to feel like you fit in and that you're part of something.  And though it is about more than social media, a lot of the research has been done since 2004, which is when Facebook launched.  So, Facebook launched and suddenly, I guess, everybody's world became much more visible, or at least a small slice of people's world became much more open for everybody to have a nose around, and I guess that had some pros around connection and community.  I do think social media at its best can definitely be a force for good things happening, but this is one of those things that I think probably more people became aware of and it's increased its impact, particularly on our careers, like when we read some of the comments from people, they were very heartfelt and people clearly finding it really hard, and a lot of those things were connected to social media. 

Helen Tupper: And when I was reading through the comments, as I said, we summarised them into a couple of themes, but I would say that there were three main triggers for FOMO for people.  One was social media, as Sarah said; the other was career stage; and the other was age.  I feel like stage, age, and social media often compounded the career FOMO that people were experiencing.  And I think it's just useful to know that so that you can almost sort of normalise it a little bit like, "Oh gosh, this feels awful, why is that?  Oh my gosh, it's because I've just turned 40 and suddenly I've got attached to what I think I should have done at this age in my life", or, "Oh, why do I now feel like that?  Oh, it's because I've just become a parent and I'm at this new stage".  So, I think sometimes it helps to know that you're not alone with career FOMO and that it is being particularly triggered for you possibly because of a stage, age or social media, and we'll come into some of those things as well. 

Sarah Ellis: So, we've got a bit of a FOMO career checklist, just what you all want, which we thought we would --

Helen Tupper: Find out your FOMO!

Sarah Ellis: -- talk through to see, I suppose, whether for you there is one area of career FOMO which particularly impacts you.  So, we've got six things here, is there one of these six things that you particularly identify with and that feels very familiar, or do you recognise lots of them?  Because then, I think it also helps you to have that self-awareness then of when we get to the ideas for action, where am I going to start; what's going to be most useful for me?  So, Helen, are you ready to do your FOMO career checklist? 

Helen Tupper: Yes.  Do I have to say my answers out loud to everybody? 

Sarah Ellis: Yeah, that's what I thought we agreed!

Helen Tupper: Fine!

Sarah Ellis: So, these are not coaching questions, everybody, these are not open questions, these are yes-no questions.  So, they are very binary, black and white.  So, here we go.  Question one, Helen, do you check social media obsessively to see what others are doing?  Be honest. 

Helen Tupper: I mean, so wait.  I worry about the word "obsessively", and I worry about "to see what other people are doing".  Do I check social media a lot?  Yes.  Obsessively?  Maybe.  Addictively?  Maybe.  I'll just say yes.  What about you?

Sarah Ellis: No! 

Helen Tupper: A straight no.  Right, next one, Sarah, let's see, do you experience negative feelings when comparing your career to others? 

Sarah Ellis: Yes, sometimes. 

Helen Tupper: We're finding it so hard to do this cleanly.  Just sometimes?

Sarah Ellis: Yeah, not every day.  I actually think frequency might be a good overlay to this, like is this every day, is this every week?  But yes, I definitely recognise that.  You? 

Helen Tupper: That one's a no from me.  Doesn't do anything. 

Sarah Ellis: Question three, do you have a sense of shoulds about your career?  You know, I should be earning more, doing more, I don't know, having four million side projects, raising more money for charity, running the London Marathon.  A few people we know ran the London Marathon and I was like, "Why am I not fitter?  Why am I not doing more of these things?  Why am I not doing more for charity?"  Helen?

Helen Tupper: Yes, I definitely have shoulds.  You? 

Sarah Ellis: Yeah, I think almost unavoidable.  Very hard to have no shoulds.  But I guess, how much does it dominate your days?  How much does it dominate your thinking? 

Helen Tupper: I guess it's the difference between a could and a should.  So, could you run the marathon?  Yeah.  But the should, it's the should, isn't it?  It's like, I think it's that feeling like, "This is something I should be doing.  I'm the type of person that should do stuff like this2.  I think the should has a different emotion.  Okay, next one, do you say yes at work a lot more than you say no; or even, are you always saying yes?

Sarah Ellis: No, obviously!  Helen? 

Helen Tupper: You're laughing at me because I think the answer's yes.  I think I'm getting better at it though, but I'll give my -- I'm keeping a tally of these for us, by the way. 

Sarah Ellis: Are you?

Helen Tupper: I am, yeah.  I'm going to give myself another yes.  Okay, next one, does a lack of confidence stop you from trying things out in your career?  Big pause. 

Sarah Ellis: I think yes in the past, less so now.  So, I sort of recognise it and I could see how that could come back again.  So, it doesn't feel completely unfamiliar.  It doesn't feel as relevant for me right now.

Helen Tupper: Okay, you're getting a small y. 

Sarah Ellis: Okay, what about you? 

Helen Tupper: No, it doesn't affect -- it's quite interesting though, isn't it?  Some of them you can just very quick no, and some of them you hover a bit with a yes.  All right last one, I'm laughing at this one, I know my answer already, do you get easily distracted and find deep work difficult? 

Sarah Ellis: No. 

Helen Tupper: And I'm going to say yes, I do get easily distracted. 

Sarah Ellis: Okay, what scores did we get? 

Helen Tupper: What scores did we get?  So, you got 2 big yeses and 1 little one, so I'll give you a 2.5 out of the 6 that you could have had.  And I got a 4; I got a 4 out of six.  The point here is, the more yeses you have from that list, the more likely you are to suffer from career FOMO.  Though, some of those could be more significant for you than others.  You might have one that's a yes that feels particularly powerful and dominating, but broadly speaking, I guess they are all contributors to career FOMO.  So, if you've got more yeses, you're just more exposed. 

There were four specific things that came out of that Instagram survey that also might be useful for you to be aware of, because you might recognise these specific things of career FOMO.  So, the first was kind of career FAMO when you miss out on opportunities for your career while you're working out what you want to do like, "Oh, I'll work it out soon, I'll know exactly what I want to do".  Someone phrased this as, "Seeing all the great things people are doing and wondering if I should be too", that kind of like, "I wonder if…" but then never moving that forward.  The second specific thing that came through was not feeling as confident as other people to pivot.  And a specific comment about what that might sound or feel like, someone said, "Wishing you had the bottle to switch careers and seeing others do it".  So, there is a bit of comparison perhaps coming in in both of these. 

The third one was about peers who seem to be progressing faster.  Someone said they'd joined a graduate scheme and they'd stayed with the company for years, but they'd watched other people leave for a new job and that kind of made them feel like, "Oh, maybe I should have done that too".  And the fourth one was connected to becoming a parent, so having career FOMO because you've taken time out of the workplace to have a baby.  So, I think the comments that we got were more specifically from women on this one.  Someone had said, "I've returned to work part time because that was what I wanted, but having career FOMO that I might be missing out on opportunities because of that".  And so, they're just four specific things that we saw across lots of those comments, that you might also relate to as well. 

Sarah Ellis: And why do we want to do something about this, other than it clearly makes us feel rubbish?  None of us are feeling better because of this, and it's a waste of our energy and headspace.  And I also think it stops us owning and perhaps feeling positive and optimistic and in control of our choices.  Maybe you either get to go, "Well, have I made the right choice?"  We start to question choices that we've made for really good reasons.  Or perhaps you think, "Oh, have I --" perhaps you doubt your own decision-making abilities.  So, I think you perhaps lose a bit of clarity in you and what's important to you.  And perhaps it just feels like something you can't influence, so none of us like to feel helpless, and so perhaps we look at other people and think, "Well, I would love to pivot my career" but there's maybe things stopping you, you might be like, "but I can't do that because I can't take a pay cut".  So, we're not feeling like there's anything that we could do differently. 

I think a couple of things that we know make this really hard, when we were reflecting on this, firstly, I reckon everybody knows that social media is a tiny, tiny slice of someone else's world.  Often, the highlights reel, often the shiny stuff.  So, I think we all know that, but then it is the bit that you see.  So, I was like, "Well, I know that when I'm on LinkedIn".  But then you still see, Helen and I are notorious for not winning awards, we never win awards.  It's really very annoying, particularly for the podcast actually!  So, if anyone's listening, I mean maybe this is why, right?  Maybe we need to rethink the podcast a bit. 

Helen Tupper: Is there a reason we've never won an award for our podcast, I wonder?!

Sarah Ellis: I wonder!  We're like, "Well, we don't know why.  It's just so brilliant, but we just never win these awards".  And so then, I see people, for example, win awards that we would love to have won, and that's the bit that you see.  And so, of course you know there's loads of things that will be hard and will be difficult and all those kind of things, but that is the one bit that you're exposed to.  And I think compounded by, so many of us are our own worst critics, we know we've all got that negativity bias.  So, I wonder whether, I feel like it's sort of this FOMO flicks a switch a bit.  It flicks that negativity bias, that worst critic switch, and then we start giving ourselves a really hard time.  So, the more I thought about this, the more you're like, well, this is one of those classic areas, I think, for the kind of knowing/doing gap.  I think we know that's not everyone's world.  I think we know that sometimes we're too hard on ourselves, but doing something about it, I think, just often feels really hard.  So, we are going to have a go at addressing that now. 

Helen Tupper: Just before we do that, it's reminding me a little bit, you know how social media is only a very small slice and the picture doesn't represent the reality, and I just had a personal example to bring that to life towards, when did I go?  I went to Dubai earlier in the year as a family holiday, and we had a slightly -- the one element of this trip was a bit disastrous.  It rained a lot, it was a massive downpour. 

Sarah Ellis: And hailed!  You had that massive hail!

Helen Tupper: Yeah, it rained and hailed and it was a bit dramatic.  And my little boy, Henry, was really excited about going sand-surfing, getting a, what's it called?  A wakeboard and going -- not a wakeboard, what's it called? 

Sarah Ellis: Bodyboard?

Helen Tupper: No, not one of those.  One of the ones that's not skiing. 

Sarah Ellis: Surfboard? 

Helen Tupper: God, I'm so bad at this.  The thing that I've done; snowboard, get a snowboard.  What do you call it?  A sandboard.  That.  Anyway, snowboard on sand becomes a sandboard.  He was really excited about this.  And so we did this trip, there was a bit of a disaster, including the sandboarding, because the sand was wet which made it very hard to go down on it, and the sandboard was quite broken and it was for adults, and my little boy couldn't get his feet into it.  But anyway, there's this one picture that I took of him where the sky is blue, you can't see the rain, the sky is blue, Henry's positioned on this sandboard and he looks amazing, he looks sporty and he looks athletic.  And if you saw that picture, you'd be like, "He's amazing.  What a trip.  It was brilliant". 

The reality was he couldn't, he could not move that board and he was getting really frustrated.  He was trying to shift it and he was like, "Mummy, it's hurting my feet!"  But honestly, that picture in no way reflects the reality of that moment, which was tantrums and leaving early and all kinds of stuff.  But I look at that picture and I go, "That's sometimes like work life".  That is the award that you don't see, or the failures that have gone before it.  That is somebody sharing something that's really important to them because they've got a whole other thing that is also going wrong at the same time, and they just want to anchor to a positive moment.  And so, yeah, it is only a slice, which is easier to say, but I think just to know it, know it sometimes is quite useful.

Sarah Ellis: So, we're going to do some ideas for action now, and the first idea we're calling "Three reasons why".  And the purpose of this exercise is to remind yourself why you have made a decision to be doing what you're doing.  Because I think a lot of the time with career FOMO, the decision has already been made, you're already living your life, and we need to just readdress that balance away from FOMO to, why you do what you do, what is better because of whatever that thing is that you've chosen?  And I think having three reasons why just gets you to delve into it enough to reconnect with it.  I sometimes think we need to go back and go, "Oh, that is why I'm doing what I'm doing and that's important to me", and it's useful to almost have those things documented, so we can just go back to them, particularly if this is something that feels very real for you right now. 

So if, for example, you're thinking, "Well, I work part-time and that means I'm missing out on loads of opportunities to progress", you might say, "By working part-time, I can 123".  What are those three things?  I can be there for my kids every day to help with their homework.  I mean awful, so frustrating when I have to do that!  But maybe you're a really brilliant parent and actually, you get a lot of satisfaction from that and that's a really good thing, and maybe that means you can be there for the moments that matter.  Maybe some of those things, it means you can actually have a really nice work-life fit.  Maybe those things, all the parts of your life feel like they fit together better because you are working part-time.  What would yours be, Helen, if you were thinking about, you know all the shoulds, like you were saying to me, Helen last week was spending time with lots of very successful women running companies, much bigger most of them probably, than Amazing If, so very easy to fall into the shoulds like, "Why are we not working harder?  We should be doing more things, I don't know, ruling the world". 

Helen Tupper: Yeah, it's so funny.  My shoulds from that, I was like, "Oh my gosh, I should be doing that too".  Or, "Oh, I should have an alternative business model that enables…" because everyone's ideas are brilliant. 

Sarah Ellis: Should we? 

Helen Tupper: Well, probably!  But I mean, this might be a reality of some of this stuff.  But my thing was, it's quite distracting.  It's quite distracting being like, "Oh, I should be doing it like they are", or, "I should be learning that thing", or, "I should be part of that thing that they are part of".  Or, I'll tell you another one, "I should be investing".  I got that last week.  I was like, "Oh my gosh, I'm a female founder, I should be a female funder".  Loads of shoulds came out of it. 

Sarah Ellis: You always have that when you spend time with that group.  You always come back and you always start talking about investing.  And every time I'm like, "Sure, but we haven't really got that much money to invest"! 

Helen Tupper: I'm like, "Can I just put £1 in?"!

Sarah Ellis: You probably could. 

Helen Tupper: I probably could, £1 to play.  But what would I say instead?  So, I think the thing I'm trying to think about is, by running our business in the way that we already do, so rather than thinking how should I be doing it differently, by running our business in the way that we already do, I can create things I care about, that is fundamentally true; I can work with people that I trust and learn from, that's really true; and by running the business that I already do, I can connect with a community, like a community of Squiggly Career people, and learners who make me feel that I'm making a difference.  And you know, I feel like learning and creating and making a difference is something that I should really hold, honestly, like hold to my heart.  And it makes me think, "Well, yeah, I could be doing all that other stuff, but actually I learn and I make a difference and I get to create stuff I care about".  I mean, that's actually more important to me.  And it really, for me, that offsets all the should, "Yeah, I should, but look what I get to do".  That's the thing that is actually what I want to attach myself to. 

So, our second idea for action is to do some things that protect you from career FOMO.  And we've got a bit of a principle here, because Sarah and I, we've honestly talked about this for quite a while because we really care about it.  I think seeing all those comments made us think, "Oh gosh, we need to do some stuff that's really useful here for people".  So, we've got a principle and then we've got a few little practical tips that we think can help you protect yourself.  So, the principle that we got to is, when you're falling into career FOMO, which might look like the shoulds that we talked about, or comparing yourself to other people, all that kind of stuff, we think that it is useful to recognise that it's never, what we've said, it's never apples and apples. 

For example, if I'm comparing myself to Sarah, which I could do, I could be like, "Oh, I've got career FOMO because Sarah reads more than me", which she definitely does.  I get a bit of FOMO because I think, "Oh, well Sarah's learning more.  Sarah's got more to give to the work that we do because she spends more time learning and connecting the dots".  I could definitely do that because that is true.  But I'm not comparing apples with apples.  Mine and Sarah's life and our brains are different and I have to recognise that, that it's not a like-for-like comparison.  Who we are and how we work and what's going on in our lives is just different.  The reality is, Sarah reads a lot because sometimes she just can't get to sleep in the evening, and then she might be reading; or, she uses that as a way that she gets space because she needs that in her brain more than I do.  We are different people, you're not comparing like-for-like.  Sarah, it was you who came up with the apples and apples thing, would you add anything to it that could be useful?

Sarah Ellis: I think it comes really from, we often say, "Careers today are as individual as you are", and I think sometimes we forget that.  So we go, "Oh yeah, our careers are really individual, no two squiggles are the same".  But then when it comes to career FOMO, we're assuming that somebody else's career squiggle is identical to ours.  And also that point around, I think there's a lot hidden with career FOMO, there's a lot you can't see, there's a lot that's not visible.  And so, not only is it you're not comparing apples with apples, you're also seeing this tiny part of something, and then you're assuming that the tiny part is the whole.  And so, I mean it's perhaps just I think, because I often think in visuals and metaphors, I actually found that really helpful as a starting point to think, "Oh, okay, but that person is not me.  They're not going to be motivated by the same things as me". 

I was saying to Helen beforehand, sometimes I think one of my shoulds would be, "Well, I should be spending actually more time on LinkedIn", so the opposite of what everyone else is saying like, "Oh God, LinkedIn doesn't always make people feel good".  I see Helen doing all of her brilliant posting, and I know it's important, and sometimes occasionally I have something to say.  And so I could be like, "Oh, I should be doing that more".  But then again, sometimes I think I'm imagining I have the same personality and profile as Helen, who is someone who can write things fast, get her thoughts down quickly and get them out there.  This point about career FOMO, I mean I'm not even sure if you shared that with me before I saw it on Instagram.  I think I saw this idea for the first time on Instagram and I was just going, "Right, what's happening?"  And so, I just cannot contemplate doing that.  I don't think fast enough or act fast enough for that ever to be my reality.  So, again, you're not comparing apples with apples.  I think just reminding yourself of that is just maybe a helpful starting point. 

Helen Tupper: And then the practical tips, particularly maybe we went through that list and you had quite a few things, so you were exposed to quite a lot of the FOMO factors; the practical tips that might be helpful, as well as just remembering that principle are, first, with social media, perhaps limit your time that you spend on it if that is a bit triggering for you.  Maybe even delete it for a while and see how you feel.  Maybe you don't actually need it as much as you do.  There might be a week where you're reaching for it constantly, but then maybe the second week is easier.  You won't really know how you feel until you give that one a go on how long you can do without it.  You don't have to quit it forever, but actually maybe forcing yourself to be without it for a while might make you a bit more conscious of how you're engaging with it. 

The second one we talked about was friend FOMO, which feels a bit uncomfortable to admit that you might have friend career FOMO, because you like these people, they're your friends, but you still can have a bit of career FOMO about what they're doing.  If that's the case, you might just want to consider how often or how you are spending time with them.  Maybe it's, I don't know, maybe it only happens when they're in person or maybe it's happening over WhatsApp and you haven't actually seen them in person for a while so you've just lost the foundations of that friendship.  But maybe just that friendship's probably very important to you, but it just might not be helping you in the way you want it to.  It doesn't mean you have to stop the friendship, it might just change how you are maintaining that friendship. 

Then the last one was colleagues, which you talked about control and concerns there, which I thought was really interesting. 

Sarah Ellis: Well, I think often we do, when we're in FOMO territory, you are worrying about and spending time thinking about things that you are concerned about or that you can see or you can observe, but that you have very low levels of control over, that you can't do anything about.  It's things that are not really about you.  So, Helen was giving an example of how, in some of the companies that she's worked in, particularly because relationships are important to her, sometimes she'd maybe look around and be like, "Oh, why does that person seem to have a really good relationship with that person?" 

But actually, rather than getting preoccupied by that, a really good way to protect yourself from it is to go, "Okay, well who do I need to build strong relationships with?  Who could help me to be even better at my job?  Who do I want to learn from?"  And I think a brilliant way to always get yourself back into sphere of control is to ask yourself "I" questions, because as soon as you ask yourself an "I" question it's very much like, "Well, this is about me", and so you're stopping doing the apples thing.  You're just going, "It's just about me and my apple", if that still works! 

I would say on the friend FOMO one, that Helen and I did talk about this a fair bit beforehand, I have heard somebody who I am friends with before actually call this out in a really lovely way and not in an aggressive way, where she actually just felt confident enough to say, with a group that I'm part of and we have dinner every so often, "Oh, everyone else seems to be doing such amazing things and I just feel like I just don't have those things".  So, basically going that potentially spending time with us would make her feel worse.  And what seemed to help was actually us also reminding her of how amazing she is and the really great things that she has done; and also, thinking a little bit about how we spend time together.  

So, the conversations don't always have to be about work, sometimes they do end up going that way, but equally sometimes maybe sitting down and if you're having food, or whatever, you end up having those conversations.  But perhaps if you're walking together or perhaps if you're going to do something together or see something together, even go to the cinema together, you don't have to talk as much; perfect!  I love to go to the cinema, I never get to go to the cinema.  Also, I don't have to talk much; perfect!  That works on so many levels.  Why do I not go to the cinema with my friends more often?  But I do think you could slightly re-evaluate or rethink.  If that is a challenge, I think it feels hard but it's very understandable.  So, perhaps you do something different where you're much less likely to stray into the territory of talking about work, and then you keep those relationships going, and I think really good friends would get that.  I remember when I heard this person say that, I didn't think, "Oh, she doesn't want to spend time with us", I just felt like she was just being really honest about how hard she was finding stuff. 

Helen Tupper: I think it's the difference, isn't it, between unhealthy and healthy friendships.  I think a healthy friendship, you should be able to share that, and that person would want to support and be open to evolving that friendship, like you say, meeting in different ways.  I think an unhealthy friendship would be somebody who doesn't really care about their impact on you and continues behaving in a way that obviously affects you.  That's not a healthy friendship to have. 

Sarah Ellis: And finally, we were thinking, "What are you trying to go from and to here?"  I love a from and to.  Always gives me clarity about what's the job to be done.  So we were saying, we think you're trying to move from career FOMO to a statement that sounds something like, "I'm happy where I am.  Things are good, basically, things are good where I am at the moment".  And we both then reflected on what works for us to move from that state, because sometimes I think you're trying to move from that state in a moment.  Or maybe it's beyond a moment, so it might just be that you've had a quick look on LinkedIn and you need to quickly move from FOMO to, "I'm happy where I am".  Or perhaps it's a bit more significant than that, it's more those thoughts are permeating your days more frequently, and generally you need to feel more like that.  So, Helen, do you want to share first what works for you and then I'll share what works for me? 

Helen Tupper: Yeah, the thing that works for me whenever I'm, you know, like the FOMO factors, are like pride projects.  So, I have realised that the more things that I'm in control of, that I'm proud of, the less susceptible I am to FOMO.  So, I'll give you an example.  So, at Microsoft, there were probably quite a lot of things that could have triggered my career FOMO.  So, it's a hierarchical organisation, one of my values is achievement.  That looks like a certain thing in those big companies, it looks like certain roles, it looks like certain projects, it looks like being connected to certain people.  Those are some of the factors that would be important for achievement in that area.  And rather than feeling, I guess, swayed by career FOMO, because I didn't have some of those things in that company, what I focused more on was things that were in my control that I could be proud of.  So, that might be being a manager, for example, the way that I was managing people.  I was really proud of the impact that I had as a manager.  And that was something that I was in control of and that I can do.  I was really proud that I had things that I was doing outside of work. 

So, it offset the FOMO for me because I could be like, "Well, okay, I might not be doing that, but ultimately I've got this amazing thing that I'm doing outside of work that I'm really proud of".  And I think the trick with a pride project is that you've got control over it.  So, it's something that isn't dependent on someone else, and that it is something I think you're passionate about.  I'm passionate about managing, I'm passionate about the team, I'm passionate about Squiggly Careers, and I think that control and that passion, it creates something I think which is a magnet for you, rather than the FOMO thing pulling you towards something else. 

Sarah Ellis: And funnily enough, for me to be happy where I am, I often have to do a bit of mental time travel.  So, I need to look forward to the future to remind myself of why and where I am today, and that works for me.  So, I have a general Squiggly Career success statement.  So, we've talked before, like Helen has more vision boards, mood boards.  I just have three sentences, I think it is, so it's pretty short, that reminds me what matters most to me.  So, sometimes I might actually go back and look at that, so that's actually going backwards; but sometimes I think probably what works better for me is I go, "Well, in 6 months' time, or in 12 months' time, what will be true about the work that I'm doing, the way that I'm working, the choices that I've made?" and I think it just encourages me to take accountability for those things. 

I sort of call myself on those things, because if I'm getting a bit distracted by comparison, which is probably the one that's most consistent for me, and some of that actually is going back to ladder-like thinking, definitely, because it takes a bit of letting go, we know that, some of those ladder-like things, so it could be status that I see in other people, it could be very impressive job titles with people that I've maybe worked with or know really well and I'll think, "Oh, yeah, I don't have those things", I do something quite different now, which I know is better for me.  But when I actually fast-forward and go, almost to Helen's point, "What will be true in 6 months' time or 12 months' time?" I think I'm anticipating the things that I'm going to feel proud of. 

So, I think Helen's doing it more in the moment, whereas I'm going, "Oh, well I'm going to have the opportunity to … and I feel really optimistic about these things, or I'm really looking forward to…" and I think it just anchors me back to, "I'm so happy where I am, because look at all these things I'm looking forward to", and my success statement is a reality, and I don't take that for granted.  I think that's hard to make happen.  And so, yeah, as somebody who's not very -- I'm not super in the moment, I am very future-facing, I think it helps me to be a bit grounded in the now and just go, "Do you know what?  Now is a really good place to be, so keep doing what you're doing".  I think that's where I get to, with all of this stuff I go, "Yeah, just keep doing what you're doing.  It's going well; next day". 

Helen Tupper: Well, as well as Sarah's motivational advice to keep doing what you're doing, I'm not sure that's going to catch on, I'm not sure that's going to be on a LinkedIn post! 

Sarah Ellis: What do you mean the podcast doesn't win awards?!  That's outrageous! 

Helen Tupper: "Sarah Ellis said, 'Just keep doing what you're doing'"!

Sarah Ellis: It'll probably be fine, right? 

Helen Tupper: It'll probably be fine.  So, just to recap on some practical things that might help you, as well as that inspirational piece of advice, the ideas for action were first of all, the three reasons why.  Remind yourself of the decisions that you've made because that can be really helpful.  Second, we need to protect ourselves from FOMO, so we've got our principle and those practical tips we talked about.  And the third thing is just that, "I'm happy where I am" statement.  How do you get there?  How do you get to where I'm happy where I am?  And we shared our ideas of the pride projects and mental time travel, but there might be something else that works for you.  I think it's just remembering what that thing is and knowing that you can rely on it if you're getting triggered by something that is creating career FOMO for you. 

We'll put all of those things together in the PodSheet.  So, if you're new to the podcast and you're still listening, great, brilliant, I hope you've liked it.  But for everyone else who's a regular, you know that you can go to amazingif.com and go to the podcast page, and if you click on today's episode, you will get a PodSheet, which is a one-page thing that you can download and you can fill out and it's got some questions.  You can also get the PodNote, which is a swipeable summary, so that could be a good thing to maybe share with somebody that you think this might help so they can find our work too. 

Sarah Ellis: So, we do hope that does help you with career FOMO, because we know it's no mean feat to try and overcome this and to think differently.  So, good luck, let us know how you get on, but that's everything for this week.  Thank you so much for listening and we'll be back with you again soon.  Bye for now. 

Helen Tupper: Bye everyone.